Ok, so the last thing I want to do is seem like I am on a soapbox for parenting issues or that I am trying to pretend I understand what it takes to be a parent. But with Halloween this past weekend, one of the things I took note of more than anything was how many people complained about children not saying thank you after getting candy. I realize that not everyone had the great training my parents provided about the importance of being polite. But the thing that frustrates me more than the children not saying thank you is when the parents write back in defense and say that kids will be kids and no matter the training they will still embarrass you and misbehave. Ok, fine I get it...in the end you can only do so much. But this defense only seems to really hold up if you as the parent aren't there to see it occurring. Don't we have a responsibility as parents to always correct the behavior in our children?
In 1 Samuel 3 we learn about God carrying out everything he threatened to do to Eli and his family because when Eli's sons sinned and blasphemed the Lord, Eli knew what they had done and failed to correct them. By being a parent, Eli took on the responsibility of teaching his children the ways of the Lord and when they went against the Lord's teachings he had the responsibility to call them out on it. That doesn't mean Eli is responsible for all the mistakes his children made, but it does make him responsible for continuing to teach them the ways of the Lord. Recognizing when they have done wrong and correcting them.
Personally, I am very excited about the time in my life when my husband and I become parents. I love kids and I look forward to the many joys of parenting. But I am a realist, I know that it won't be easy and certainly won't always be rewarding. I know that I will have to give more of myself than I can probably even begin to imagine at this stage of my life. I've seen my friends with children grow weary when they have to deal with one situation after another. It is a lot of responsibility and commitment to undertake. I just hope that in those situations I can find comfort in knowing that by continuing to train my children in their manners and responsibilities that I am serving the Lord. I am a firm believer that the Lord is kind and doesn't give us more than we can handle. We might doubt ourselves in those situations, but the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves.
For me Ephesians 6 is a powerful chapter related to this matter because in just a few short sentences God quickly describes the responsibilities of children and parents.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
I don't know about you, but I've heard more than one parent pull this one out of their back pocket and use it in reprimanding their children. But I think it deserves a closer look than to simply say obey and honor. The first part describes that you should "obey your parents in the Lord." Why must we obey our parents? Because they are obeying the Lord and by obeying our parents, we are in turn obeying the Lord, our Father in heaven, "for this is right." The second instruction to children is to “Honor your father and mother.” So what is the difference between obeying your parents and honoring them that God felt is necessary to puts it in two pieces?
According to the dictionary, obey means "to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of [another]." In the case of this passage we have been commanded by God to obey Him by obeying our parents. We honor our parents because God has declared them worthy of our "high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank." But God doesn't stop there...we don't just blindly accept this as our weight to carry because it is commanded of us as children. He gives us something more.
If you look at the original 10 commandments, children obeying their parents is listed as the 5th commandment. Further examination reveals that it is indeed "the first commandment with a promise," a positive promise, one that encourages you to follow the commandment "so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ok...so what does that mean? It sounds great, but why does God promise us this? I have definitely been witness to the fact that life doesn't always go well, and that I don't always enjoy life. But God doesn't say that things will "always" go well and that we will "always" enjoy life. It does however indicate that we obey and honor our parents "so that" things will go well and we "may" enjoy a long life on earth. He still gives me the free will to choose the alternative, but He inspires me to try the path He has laid out because it comes with a promise that is very appealing. It gives me a fighting chance to go down a great path.
As a child I always remembered the first commandment most. Why? Because my own parents would often remind me that I was to obey and honor them. This often frustrated me because in my defiant youth and lack of wisdom and knowledge, I would question why I had to honor and obey. I wish they had brought the first commandment full circle and put more emphasis on the fact that they also had a commandment. It isn't written as one of the ten commandments, but it is also a commandment from God. One that I think is of great benefit to parents. It justifies parents in our discipline and gives us direction.
You see Ephesians 6:4 says "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." What an incredible thing to consider, because if as a parent I don't follow the second part of this passage, I will actually be exasperating them!!! If I let them do whatever they want with no direction or guidance I am actually harming them more than if I "instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." This really caused me to stop and think about how I now deal in my relationship with God. When I have done something wrong I am frustrated/exasperated. I know I was wrong, but I don't necessarily know why or how what I did, said, or thought was wrong, I just know that it is. When I seek the Lord in the issue I am dealing with and he gives me direction and I am not longer exasperated because I know why I feel the way I do and what I can do to fix the situation and often what I can do to prevent it from happening again in the future. It might take a few tries, but at least now I have answers.
Please Lord, help me to serve people with children by praying for them in whatever situations they encounter. I ask that you help me to not feel frustrated at the parents or the children, but instead help me to have a compassionate heart to the situation. And I selfishly pray this with the hope that I am not to often in the same situation but on the side of being the parent. I pray for wisdom and strength for current and future parents around the world that they might be invigorated in your commandments of them. And I pray also that their children be able to obey and honor their parents teachings. Thank you Lord for the teaching and preparation you have given me in going through this study. Amen.
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