In light of the recent Thanksgiving holiday, there is a lot of contemplation about what to be thankful for. I am super thankful for my growing relationship with God, two loving parents, my amazing husband, and of course my wonderful collection of friends. I have gone through some challenges in life, but the team of people who are a part of my life have been an amazing support system. Looking back at how I have reached the place in my life where I am currently, I am amazed at how different the path was from the one I thought I was starting out on. Nobody dreams about the challenges they will face or wishes upon a start to struggle. When we are younger, we only dream about the fairytale. But we seem to forget that even the happily ever after in the movies only comes after Prince Charming slays the dragon and the princess fights the evil queen.
It is interesting that the day following the day of thanks is the most celebrated day of shopping. Although much of the shopping revolves around gifts for family and friends Christmas gifts, it is also a day where we see things we want for ourselves. Even if we don't buy things we see, we often add those items to our Christmas wish lists. I appreciate the fact that the day before shopping for others revolves around being thankful for all that we have. It is a great way to remind us that it is better to give than to receive and that by thinking about what others may want is a great way to show our appreciation for the people who are important to us.
There isn't much wrong with wanting to buy gifts for the people we care about, but God asks us to do so in moderation and with non-greedy intentions. Leviticus 25 spends a lot of time talking about respecting the land and what it produces. To not seek more than what is proper and to trust that the Lord will provide what we NEED. That some years will be abundantly plentiful, but that those years should be appreciated and respected for they will supply us through periods of drought. Most importantly though, we are reminded that everything we have is temporary. Everything we possess on earth remains here after we leave.
So how do we go about living our lives in a way which avoids crossing the line of greed or materialism? Most of what we have in our homes we don't really NEED...people lived for a long time without most of the possessions that we have now. It wasn't even too long ago where most people only had a few clothes and only had one pair of shoes reserved for winter. So how did we get to the stage that we have shoes for every season and occasion, dresses we wore once 3 years ago, and more than one pair of jeans?
Last night, my husband and I watched the movie "The Joneses" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Joneses). It is a very interesting movie that pretty much entirely revolves around materialism and greed. In the movie the Jones family lives the ultimate lifestyle with a very impressive large home and they always seem to have the latest gadgets, cars, and best clothing. They live a life most people dream about and many more envy. The kind of life that people try to mimic. As the movie progresses we see neighbors going to extreme measures to keep up with the Joneses. I won't spoil the movie ending, but in the end the cost of keeping up with the Joneses is too much.
I've never been too absorbed with wearing labels or following the latest trends. I definitely like to make a good presentation of myself, but not at any cost. Personally, I never really thought that I had a ton of junk. I knew that I had a decent amount of stuff, but I was pretty confident that I used most of what I owned and was careful about purchases. Focusing on things I needed to be comfortable, but not too much more than what was essential. Yet, when I was packing to move east it became evident that not everything I owned was actually necessary. Being forced to narrow down my possessions to those that would fit in a single small pull behind U-haul and my car seemed like it should be easy enough. It soon became apparent that I grossly underestimated how quickly I would reach my belongings quota and just how much more I actually have than what I actually need in order to be comfortable. That doesn't mean I'm not excited to reunite with my possessions when my time in New Haven ends, but I have definitely come to realize that I probably don't need much in order to be comfortable. I can certainly make do with less.
I recently had a daily devotional that presented the idea that "if you have the attitude that you are taking care of the Lord's property, you will make what you have more available to others." It is true that nothing I have is even truly mine. I may have worked to earn the paycheck that purchased the things I have, but like I learned when I was unexpectedly laid off from my job that money can disappear without notice. Sometimes things are beyond our control and if we recognize that we begin to put too much significance on the owning of possessions. We recognize that sometimes others need the things we have more than we do and that we are blessed to have been placed in a position where we can bestow our things upon others.
While I appreciate the things that I have, I can truly say that life would not be any better if I had more things or any worse if I had less. No matter what, my life is blessed because of the people I share my life with and my faith in God. Thank you God for revealing that to me and for helping me better understand.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Relationship Crossroads
I have been at a bit of a crossroads trying to decide whether or not to write about a current event of the past week. I don't really follow much of what is occurring in the lives of celebrities because more often than not I tend to get really frustrated by what I hear happening. Whether it is movie stars, athletes, or the famous because I'm rich crowd; it seems like the common trend is to live in a state that appears completely devoid of moral conviction. I have my favorites celebrities and I am always sorely disappointed when one of my favorites does something that I can't support. Many of this group do amazing work with a variety of charity organizations and give a lot of their own time and money to support numerous causes. For all of that I am really grateful that they are willing to give so much of themselves and to use their station in life for the advancement of others. Whatever their reason or motives it is simply a wonderful thing.
If you haven't guessed by now, the event that sparked this blog was the announcement of the divorce of celebrity Kim Kardashian. Like most of the population, I am saddened to hear that their marriage only lasted 72 days. Not because I am an avid follower of the show or their lives, but simply because it is always sad when any relationship ends. Whether it is a relationship written like a fairy-tale or a relationship that ends tragically, it is always sad when people suffer. People have spent a lot of time talking about how short a 72 day marriage is and there are a lot of opinions being blasted at the Kim and Kris. They got married too quickly!! They didn't know each other well enough. They didn't give it enough time!! The media is eating it up. Interviewing people, asking questions like "should she give the ring back?" "did she have the wedding for publicity?" and "did she get married to make a profit?" And people who don't personally know either Kim or Kris are eager to weigh in. Whatever the reasoning for the end of the marriage, I hope that it isn't for the simple reason of the marriage not living up to expectation or hype. Because as anyone who has been married can tell you, it is never just like you expected. Sometimes it is more challenging then you ever could have imagined, and other times you are amazed at how truly blessed you are by the person you are so lucky to spend the rest of your life with.
Over the past couple of years, one thing I have struggled with a lot is the carefree approach to relationships that seems to be so apparent in today's society. Relationships with other people are very important things. Whether it is a colleague, classmate, neighbor, or social acquaintance, the people we meet and engage with in our lives leave impressions on us and in exchange we leave impressions on them. It might be someone we bump in to at the grocery store or encounter on a street corner. The other day I was walking my dog and a man was stopped starring at the sky. He turned to me and pointed at what he was watching. "Red tailed hawks!!!" he said with a smile. I glanced up, smiled and said, "that's incredible!!" I kept on walking, but that brief encounter with a man I don't know and will likely never see again, left an impression. As I continued on my walk I wondered how many other people had stopped that day to watch birds flying in the air. To enjoy the beauty of their acrobatic flight and appreciate nature in the midst of the congested city.
But whatever the justification is for the marriage ending, I would first turn to asking...why did they get married in the first place? I understand what is like to fall head over heals in love with a man and eagerly anticipating the future together. Quickly moving to a place in the relationship where you begin to make lifelong plans together and you can't wait for those plans to be lived out. My own marriage began in much the same way. But the thing that made our relationship so possible is that even in just the short amount of time we were together before we got married (we were married 10 months after we started dating), was the realization that the relationship wasn't founded on romantic gestures and a showering of gifts. In fact we barely even went on dates. We actually did most of our dating long distance. Instead of going to the movies and watching other people living their lives in front of us, we talked about what we desired for our futures, our hopes and dreams, we learned about each other. That isn't to say the relationship was without romance, it's just that the romance was deep and extremely sincere. And that is what it should be all about. Dating is the fun, carefree time to get to know another person and determine whether there is compatibility. But at a certain point in the relationship, you have to sit down and examine the reality of things. Some might say our courtship went a little extreme, but some of the best conversations we had came from questions we found in the marriage preparation material we got from the church I had been attending. Starting with asking what are your career goals, family goals, and lifestyle goals. The questions started going into very specific detail. We talked about the emphasis we placed on athletics and extracurricular activities, education (home school, public, or private) and even how we would encourage our children as they pursued post-secondary education. It moved into conversations about spending habits and what things we might someday wish to own. We also explored how we would like to be engaged with the church, our community, and our family. Some would say that it was over the top and that we can't control all of these aspects of our lives and we realize that is very true, but at least we know if we are on the same page or not. There will still be a lot of things I have to learn about my husband during the course of our marriage, but there are a lot of things that I knew early enough in the process that I know the general framework of our marriage. I wonder if Kim and Kris had similar conversations?
To be fair I don't watch the show about the Kardashians or follow what has been happening in their lives. And even if I did, it really isn't my place to speculate. But I am concerned about the message that is being sent about the lack of respect and posterity regarding marriage. The degree of commitment that goes in to making that decision about another person and the understanding that when two become one in the bonds of matrimony you can no longer selfishly think only about your own needs. Sometimes you will need to compromise and other times your spouse will need to compromise. The decision to marry someone is actually pretty easy compared to choosing to remain married. I think a lot of it has to do with the disconnect we have with what it takes to be married. Once we are married we profess to the world that we are in the relationship for the long haul, but when the fairy-tale becomes reality...it takes more than just saying that you commit, the stage is set and the curtain has been pulled up. No matter what tragedy prevails during the upcoming acts...the play MUST go on. But if people think the stressful part was planning the wedding, they have no idea just how stressful a divorce can be. Even if the relationship ends early like that of Kim and Kris, the emotional stress that one experiences can be overwhelming at times. When you plan a wedding, the world will not end if you pick the wrong color napkin to go with the tablecloth or if the centerpieces aren't just quite right. And to be honest the world won't end when a marriage ends, but the dreams of that world take a major shift and at least for a while the world does feel like it "ended." Divorce is certainly not for the weak and it is certainly not the easy road. Divorce forces you to question a lot of things about yourself and to really examine every aspect of your life. You may not want to and you may even fight it, but eventually things come to the surface whether you like it or not.
When I hear about any relationship ending, my heart aches for the people involved. Starting of course with couple and theirs kids (if any), but also the parents, siblings and friends of the divorcing couple. All these different relationship will in some way change forever. I definitely want to encourage people to not give up too easily on a relationship, but also to know that when everything has been tried and nothing has worked, that sometimes divorce really is the only option. But I truly hope that more people will begin to really examine relationships before they enter in to marriage. It certainly isn't a fail safe, but it definitely helps (especially with relationships that end so quickly). I wish that no one ever had to experience going through divorce, not because it wasn't an option, but instead because it wasn't necessary. If we put real care and consideration in to whom we marry and really examine the relationship, then maybe fewer of us will have to experience divorce. The challenge is getting BOTH members of the relationship to honestly examine themselves and share deeply with the other person. It's hard to say though, because there are certainly relationships out there where both people put in a lot of effort at the start of the relationship, but somewhere along the way, one person in the relationship starts to always put their own needs ahead of the other persons and then when the relationship gets in the way of those needs, the selfish tendency is to walk away and do what will be most pleasing. The question is...will it really be worth it in the end? To walk away from your commitments? The Christian faith will tell you to fight for your marriage and to pray for the relationship. That God can do amazing things in relationships that are on the brink of divorce. While I believe that is excellent advice and there there are certainly some incredible stories out there that have turned out well in the end. I've also seen many of my friends going through this experience and at a certain point we break and the human side of us can't handle it any more. Making that decision is devastating and heartbreaking enough without the added problem of outsiders voicing their opinion. So if you know someone personally who has gone through divorce, please try not to judge them. It is a painful process to go through and even if you've gone through it yourself, each experience is different. We all deal with it in different ways. Try to be supportive of them even if you don't agree with their decisions. Everyone is their own toughest critic, but when others judge you as well, that only adds to your personal criticism of self. And instead of putting so much effort in to tell Kim and Kris how to manage their relationship, let's instead focus on what we can do in our own relationships to help marriages grow stronger.
If you haven't guessed by now, the event that sparked this blog was the announcement of the divorce of celebrity Kim Kardashian. Like most of the population, I am saddened to hear that their marriage only lasted 72 days. Not because I am an avid follower of the show or their lives, but simply because it is always sad when any relationship ends. Whether it is a relationship written like a fairy-tale or a relationship that ends tragically, it is always sad when people suffer. People have spent a lot of time talking about how short a 72 day marriage is and there are a lot of opinions being blasted at the Kim and Kris. They got married too quickly!! They didn't know each other well enough. They didn't give it enough time!! The media is eating it up. Interviewing people, asking questions like "should she give the ring back?" "did she have the wedding for publicity?" and "did she get married to make a profit?" And people who don't personally know either Kim or Kris are eager to weigh in. Whatever the reasoning for the end of the marriage, I hope that it isn't for the simple reason of the marriage not living up to expectation or hype. Because as anyone who has been married can tell you, it is never just like you expected. Sometimes it is more challenging then you ever could have imagined, and other times you are amazed at how truly blessed you are by the person you are so lucky to spend the rest of your life with.
Over the past couple of years, one thing I have struggled with a lot is the carefree approach to relationships that seems to be so apparent in today's society. Relationships with other people are very important things. Whether it is a colleague, classmate, neighbor, or social acquaintance, the people we meet and engage with in our lives leave impressions on us and in exchange we leave impressions on them. It might be someone we bump in to at the grocery store or encounter on a street corner. The other day I was walking my dog and a man was stopped starring at the sky. He turned to me and pointed at what he was watching. "Red tailed hawks!!!" he said with a smile. I glanced up, smiled and said, "that's incredible!!" I kept on walking, but that brief encounter with a man I don't know and will likely never see again, left an impression. As I continued on my walk I wondered how many other people had stopped that day to watch birds flying in the air. To enjoy the beauty of their acrobatic flight and appreciate nature in the midst of the congested city.
But whatever the justification is for the marriage ending, I would first turn to asking...why did they get married in the first place? I understand what is like to fall head over heals in love with a man and eagerly anticipating the future together. Quickly moving to a place in the relationship where you begin to make lifelong plans together and you can't wait for those plans to be lived out. My own marriage began in much the same way. But the thing that made our relationship so possible is that even in just the short amount of time we were together before we got married (we were married 10 months after we started dating), was the realization that the relationship wasn't founded on romantic gestures and a showering of gifts. In fact we barely even went on dates. We actually did most of our dating long distance. Instead of going to the movies and watching other people living their lives in front of us, we talked about what we desired for our futures, our hopes and dreams, we learned about each other. That isn't to say the relationship was without romance, it's just that the romance was deep and extremely sincere. And that is what it should be all about. Dating is the fun, carefree time to get to know another person and determine whether there is compatibility. But at a certain point in the relationship, you have to sit down and examine the reality of things. Some might say our courtship went a little extreme, but some of the best conversations we had came from questions we found in the marriage preparation material we got from the church I had been attending. Starting with asking what are your career goals, family goals, and lifestyle goals. The questions started going into very specific detail. We talked about the emphasis we placed on athletics and extracurricular activities, education (home school, public, or private) and even how we would encourage our children as they pursued post-secondary education. It moved into conversations about spending habits and what things we might someday wish to own. We also explored how we would like to be engaged with the church, our community, and our family. Some would say that it was over the top and that we can't control all of these aspects of our lives and we realize that is very true, but at least we know if we are on the same page or not. There will still be a lot of things I have to learn about my husband during the course of our marriage, but there are a lot of things that I knew early enough in the process that I know the general framework of our marriage. I wonder if Kim and Kris had similar conversations?
To be fair I don't watch the show about the Kardashians or follow what has been happening in their lives. And even if I did, it really isn't my place to speculate. But I am concerned about the message that is being sent about the lack of respect and posterity regarding marriage. The degree of commitment that goes in to making that decision about another person and the understanding that when two become one in the bonds of matrimony you can no longer selfishly think only about your own needs. Sometimes you will need to compromise and other times your spouse will need to compromise. The decision to marry someone is actually pretty easy compared to choosing to remain married. I think a lot of it has to do with the disconnect we have with what it takes to be married. Once we are married we profess to the world that we are in the relationship for the long haul, but when the fairy-tale becomes reality...it takes more than just saying that you commit, the stage is set and the curtain has been pulled up. No matter what tragedy prevails during the upcoming acts...the play MUST go on. But if people think the stressful part was planning the wedding, they have no idea just how stressful a divorce can be. Even if the relationship ends early like that of Kim and Kris, the emotional stress that one experiences can be overwhelming at times. When you plan a wedding, the world will not end if you pick the wrong color napkin to go with the tablecloth or if the centerpieces aren't just quite right. And to be honest the world won't end when a marriage ends, but the dreams of that world take a major shift and at least for a while the world does feel like it "ended." Divorce is certainly not for the weak and it is certainly not the easy road. Divorce forces you to question a lot of things about yourself and to really examine every aspect of your life. You may not want to and you may even fight it, but eventually things come to the surface whether you like it or not.
When I hear about any relationship ending, my heart aches for the people involved. Starting of course with couple and theirs kids (if any), but also the parents, siblings and friends of the divorcing couple. All these different relationship will in some way change forever. I definitely want to encourage people to not give up too easily on a relationship, but also to know that when everything has been tried and nothing has worked, that sometimes divorce really is the only option. But I truly hope that more people will begin to really examine relationships before they enter in to marriage. It certainly isn't a fail safe, but it definitely helps (especially with relationships that end so quickly). I wish that no one ever had to experience going through divorce, not because it wasn't an option, but instead because it wasn't necessary. If we put real care and consideration in to whom we marry and really examine the relationship, then maybe fewer of us will have to experience divorce. The challenge is getting BOTH members of the relationship to honestly examine themselves and share deeply with the other person. It's hard to say though, because there are certainly relationships out there where both people put in a lot of effort at the start of the relationship, but somewhere along the way, one person in the relationship starts to always put their own needs ahead of the other persons and then when the relationship gets in the way of those needs, the selfish tendency is to walk away and do what will be most pleasing. The question is...will it really be worth it in the end? To walk away from your commitments? The Christian faith will tell you to fight for your marriage and to pray for the relationship. That God can do amazing things in relationships that are on the brink of divorce. While I believe that is excellent advice and there there are certainly some incredible stories out there that have turned out well in the end. I've also seen many of my friends going through this experience and at a certain point we break and the human side of us can't handle it any more. Making that decision is devastating and heartbreaking enough without the added problem of outsiders voicing their opinion. So if you know someone personally who has gone through divorce, please try not to judge them. It is a painful process to go through and even if you've gone through it yourself, each experience is different. We all deal with it in different ways. Try to be supportive of them even if you don't agree with their decisions. Everyone is their own toughest critic, but when others judge you as well, that only adds to your personal criticism of self. And instead of putting so much effort in to tell Kim and Kris how to manage their relationship, let's instead focus on what we can do in our own relationships to help marriages grow stronger.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Manners and Respect
Ok, so the last thing I want to do is seem like I am on a soapbox for parenting issues or that I am trying to pretend I understand what it takes to be a parent. But with Halloween this past weekend, one of the things I took note of more than anything was how many people complained about children not saying thank you after getting candy. I realize that not everyone had the great training my parents provided about the importance of being polite. But the thing that frustrates me more than the children not saying thank you is when the parents write back in defense and say that kids will be kids and no matter the training they will still embarrass you and misbehave. Ok, fine I get it...in the end you can only do so much. But this defense only seems to really hold up if you as the parent aren't there to see it occurring. Don't we have a responsibility as parents to always correct the behavior in our children?
In 1 Samuel 3 we learn about God carrying out everything he threatened to do to Eli and his family because when Eli's sons sinned and blasphemed the Lord, Eli knew what they had done and failed to correct them. By being a parent, Eli took on the responsibility of teaching his children the ways of the Lord and when they went against the Lord's teachings he had the responsibility to call them out on it. That doesn't mean Eli is responsible for all the mistakes his children made, but it does make him responsible for continuing to teach them the ways of the Lord. Recognizing when they have done wrong and correcting them.
Personally, I am very excited about the time in my life when my husband and I become parents. I love kids and I look forward to the many joys of parenting. But I am a realist, I know that it won't be easy and certainly won't always be rewarding. I know that I will have to give more of myself than I can probably even begin to imagine at this stage of my life. I've seen my friends with children grow weary when they have to deal with one situation after another. It is a lot of responsibility and commitment to undertake. I just hope that in those situations I can find comfort in knowing that by continuing to train my children in their manners and responsibilities that I am serving the Lord. I am a firm believer that the Lord is kind and doesn't give us more than we can handle. We might doubt ourselves in those situations, but the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves.
For me Ephesians 6 is a powerful chapter related to this matter because in just a few short sentences God quickly describes the responsibilities of children and parents.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
I don't know about you, but I've heard more than one parent pull this one out of their back pocket and use it in reprimanding their children. But I think it deserves a closer look than to simply say obey and honor. The first part describes that you should "obey your parents in the Lord." Why must we obey our parents? Because they are obeying the Lord and by obeying our parents, we are in turn obeying the Lord, our Father in heaven, "for this is right." The second instruction to children is to “Honor your father and mother.” So what is the difference between obeying your parents and honoring them that God felt is necessary to puts it in two pieces?
According to the dictionary, obey means "to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of [another]." In the case of this passage we have been commanded by God to obey Him by obeying our parents. We honor our parents because God has declared them worthy of our "high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank." But God doesn't stop there...we don't just blindly accept this as our weight to carry because it is commanded of us as children. He gives us something more.
If you look at the original 10 commandments, children obeying their parents is listed as the 5th commandment. Further examination reveals that it is indeed "the first commandment with a promise," a positive promise, one that encourages you to follow the commandment "so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ok...so what does that mean? It sounds great, but why does God promise us this? I have definitely been witness to the fact that life doesn't always go well, and that I don't always enjoy life. But God doesn't say that things will "always" go well and that we will "always" enjoy life. It does however indicate that we obey and honor our parents "so that" things will go well and we "may" enjoy a long life on earth. He still gives me the free will to choose the alternative, but He inspires me to try the path He has laid out because it comes with a promise that is very appealing. It gives me a fighting chance to go down a great path.
As a child I always remembered the first commandment most. Why? Because my own parents would often remind me that I was to obey and honor them. This often frustrated me because in my defiant youth and lack of wisdom and knowledge, I would question why I had to honor and obey. I wish they had brought the first commandment full circle and put more emphasis on the fact that they also had a commandment. It isn't written as one of the ten commandments, but it is also a commandment from God. One that I think is of great benefit to parents. It justifies parents in our discipline and gives us direction.
You see Ephesians 6:4 says "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." What an incredible thing to consider, because if as a parent I don't follow the second part of this passage, I will actually be exasperating them!!! If I let them do whatever they want with no direction or guidance I am actually harming them more than if I "instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." This really caused me to stop and think about how I now deal in my relationship with God. When I have done something wrong I am frustrated/exasperated. I know I was wrong, but I don't necessarily know why or how what I did, said, or thought was wrong, I just know that it is. When I seek the Lord in the issue I am dealing with and he gives me direction and I am not longer exasperated because I know why I feel the way I do and what I can do to fix the situation and often what I can do to prevent it from happening again in the future. It might take a few tries, but at least now I have answers.
Please Lord, help me to serve people with children by praying for them in whatever situations they encounter. I ask that you help me to not feel frustrated at the parents or the children, but instead help me to have a compassionate heart to the situation. And I selfishly pray this with the hope that I am not to often in the same situation but on the side of being the parent. I pray for wisdom and strength for current and future parents around the world that they might be invigorated in your commandments of them. And I pray also that their children be able to obey and honor their parents teachings. Thank you Lord for the teaching and preparation you have given me in going through this study. Amen.
In 1 Samuel 3 we learn about God carrying out everything he threatened to do to Eli and his family because when Eli's sons sinned and blasphemed the Lord, Eli knew what they had done and failed to correct them. By being a parent, Eli took on the responsibility of teaching his children the ways of the Lord and when they went against the Lord's teachings he had the responsibility to call them out on it. That doesn't mean Eli is responsible for all the mistakes his children made, but it does make him responsible for continuing to teach them the ways of the Lord. Recognizing when they have done wrong and correcting them.
Personally, I am very excited about the time in my life when my husband and I become parents. I love kids and I look forward to the many joys of parenting. But I am a realist, I know that it won't be easy and certainly won't always be rewarding. I know that I will have to give more of myself than I can probably even begin to imagine at this stage of my life. I've seen my friends with children grow weary when they have to deal with one situation after another. It is a lot of responsibility and commitment to undertake. I just hope that in those situations I can find comfort in knowing that by continuing to train my children in their manners and responsibilities that I am serving the Lord. I am a firm believer that the Lord is kind and doesn't give us more than we can handle. We might doubt ourselves in those situations, but the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves.
For me Ephesians 6 is a powerful chapter related to this matter because in just a few short sentences God quickly describes the responsibilities of children and parents.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
I don't know about you, but I've heard more than one parent pull this one out of their back pocket and use it in reprimanding their children. But I think it deserves a closer look than to simply say obey and honor. The first part describes that you should "obey your parents in the Lord." Why must we obey our parents? Because they are obeying the Lord and by obeying our parents, we are in turn obeying the Lord, our Father in heaven, "for this is right." The second instruction to children is to “Honor your father and mother.” So what is the difference between obeying your parents and honoring them that God felt is necessary to puts it in two pieces?
According to the dictionary, obey means "to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of [another]." In the case of this passage we have been commanded by God to obey Him by obeying our parents. We honor our parents because God has declared them worthy of our "high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank." But God doesn't stop there...we don't just blindly accept this as our weight to carry because it is commanded of us as children. He gives us something more.
If you look at the original 10 commandments, children obeying their parents is listed as the 5th commandment. Further examination reveals that it is indeed "the first commandment with a promise," a positive promise, one that encourages you to follow the commandment "so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ok...so what does that mean? It sounds great, but why does God promise us this? I have definitely been witness to the fact that life doesn't always go well, and that I don't always enjoy life. But God doesn't say that things will "always" go well and that we will "always" enjoy life. It does however indicate that we obey and honor our parents "so that" things will go well and we "may" enjoy a long life on earth. He still gives me the free will to choose the alternative, but He inspires me to try the path He has laid out because it comes with a promise that is very appealing. It gives me a fighting chance to go down a great path.
As a child I always remembered the first commandment most. Why? Because my own parents would often remind me that I was to obey and honor them. This often frustrated me because in my defiant youth and lack of wisdom and knowledge, I would question why I had to honor and obey. I wish they had brought the first commandment full circle and put more emphasis on the fact that they also had a commandment. It isn't written as one of the ten commandments, but it is also a commandment from God. One that I think is of great benefit to parents. It justifies parents in our discipline and gives us direction.
You see Ephesians 6:4 says "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." What an incredible thing to consider, because if as a parent I don't follow the second part of this passage, I will actually be exasperating them!!! If I let them do whatever they want with no direction or guidance I am actually harming them more than if I "instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." This really caused me to stop and think about how I now deal in my relationship with God. When I have done something wrong I am frustrated/exasperated. I know I was wrong, but I don't necessarily know why or how what I did, said, or thought was wrong, I just know that it is. When I seek the Lord in the issue I am dealing with and he gives me direction and I am not longer exasperated because I know why I feel the way I do and what I can do to fix the situation and often what I can do to prevent it from happening again in the future. It might take a few tries, but at least now I have answers.
Please Lord, help me to serve people with children by praying for them in whatever situations they encounter. I ask that you help me to not feel frustrated at the parents or the children, but instead help me to have a compassionate heart to the situation. And I selfishly pray this with the hope that I am not to often in the same situation but on the side of being the parent. I pray for wisdom and strength for current and future parents around the world that they might be invigorated in your commandments of them. And I pray also that their children be able to obey and honor their parents teachings. Thank you Lord for the teaching and preparation you have given me in going through this study. Amen.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
In the beginning...
So I've never blogged before, and regular journal entries have proven a challenge for me, but I've been inspired by some of my friends and a recent revelation that maybe any blogging followers I gain during the course of this process can become accountability partners as I grow in my walk with Christ. I'm a bit intimidated by the commitment that I believe this process will take and possibly the revelation that I really need to work hard to maintain the responsibility of regularly sharing my thoughts with others. This will certainly be a bit of an experiment, but even God had to start somewhere.
One of the things that scares me the most about this process is revealing personal aspects of my own life. Truths about myself that reveal why or how I have come to a certain revelation about a matter of my faith and my journey to grow closer to God. At a certain point I guess I will find it necessary if it pertains to what I am studying at the moment, but like a friendship in life I can only hope that it will just naturally happen over time. It is certainly intimidating to dial down the moments in life that have shaped me the most, but God has definitely been at work in my life and I believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe God can continue to use the experiences I have gone through to work in others lives.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
Seasons of my life have come and gone. Some are short and some are long, but all of them are seasons where I have been blessed by the grace of God, even when I didn't know Him or I was choosing to ignore Him. It is interesting as I move through Ecclesiates 3 and reflect on the seasons of my past, present and future. I was born into a house of faith, but was reborn when I claimed God as my savior. My life has physically and powerfully been uprooted as I moved from my hometown, to college, to life after college, after marriage, it will likely be uprooted again when my husband graduates from college in a few months, and however many more countless times God sees fit to move me again in the future. During some of these seasons of my life, I have been so firmly planted that not even a Wyoming wind could rip me from the ground and in others, the breeze from a whisper would have been enough. Pieces of my heart and dreams for my future have died, but then I was healed. I seamlessly move between weeping and laughter, and I have gratefully danced more than I have mourned. Embracing others comes naturally, but I tend to refrain from embracing opportunities and challenges. I am constantly searching and keeping, but rarely give up or throw away. My life has been torn, but God is a wonderful seamstresses. Until recently I was silent in my faith, but now that I know the depth of God's work I can't remain silent anymore and I faithfully choose to speak. I've learned it is easy to hate, but hard to love and that forgiveness is essential to loving those I've hated. I have been at war with my faith, but find peace so much more beautiful.
Thank you God for all the seasons of my life that you have bestowed upon me and will continue to bestow upon me. I am me and I am faithfully yours.
One of the things that scares me the most about this process is revealing personal aspects of my own life. Truths about myself that reveal why or how I have come to a certain revelation about a matter of my faith and my journey to grow closer to God. At a certain point I guess I will find it necessary if it pertains to what I am studying at the moment, but like a friendship in life I can only hope that it will just naturally happen over time. It is certainly intimidating to dial down the moments in life that have shaped me the most, but God has definitely been at work in my life and I believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe God can continue to use the experiences I have gone through to work in others lives.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
Seasons of my life have come and gone. Some are short and some are long, but all of them are seasons where I have been blessed by the grace of God, even when I didn't know Him or I was choosing to ignore Him. It is interesting as I move through Ecclesiates 3 and reflect on the seasons of my past, present and future. I was born into a house of faith, but was reborn when I claimed God as my savior. My life has physically and powerfully been uprooted as I moved from my hometown, to college, to life after college, after marriage, it will likely be uprooted again when my husband graduates from college in a few months, and however many more countless times God sees fit to move me again in the future. During some of these seasons of my life, I have been so firmly planted that not even a Wyoming wind could rip me from the ground and in others, the breeze from a whisper would have been enough. Pieces of my heart and dreams for my future have died, but then I was healed. I seamlessly move between weeping and laughter, and I have gratefully danced more than I have mourned. Embracing others comes naturally, but I tend to refrain from embracing opportunities and challenges. I am constantly searching and keeping, but rarely give up or throw away. My life has been torn, but God is a wonderful seamstresses. Until recently I was silent in my faith, but now that I know the depth of God's work I can't remain silent anymore and I faithfully choose to speak. I've learned it is easy to hate, but hard to love and that forgiveness is essential to loving those I've hated. I have been at war with my faith, but find peace so much more beautiful.
Thank you God for all the seasons of my life that you have bestowed upon me and will continue to bestow upon me. I am me and I am faithfully yours.
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